It’s taken me a long time to feel comfortable with my sexuality, and often when faced with what kind of bisexual person I identify with, I used to think that being masculine equated to being lesbian or bisexual for girls, and for boys in order to be gay they had to be feminine. Thus for the longest time I felt uncomfortable with identifying with any type of lesbian or bisexual stereotype as I felt as though I would never be able to live up to my own expectations.
However after meeting and dating my current girlfriend, she opened my eyes to the idea that there was nothing wrong with me for choosing to identify with cute things, and make up, and fashion and feminine styles even though I was attracted to girls, and that I didn’t have to be androgynous to be attractive.
When searching online for typical interpretations of a “femme lesbian”, I came across the “Hard Femme” which I saw online was how a lot of women of colour who were also lesbian or bisexual identified with. I tried to suit my style to fiercer more bolder looks, but it never felt right with me, especially since my lace corsets and thigh-high stockings have all gone to waste at the back of my closet as I shunned them for black punk boots and grey tweed jackets. My calm meditative and quirky personality also doesn’t sit well with bold and charismatic expressions, so while I was thinking that I was some how achieving who I really was, all I secretly was feeling was that I was loosing myself in a dream of me.
So when I came across Tess Munster and her bold, sensual sex appeal, I started seeing curves, femininity and fashion in a different way, a way that spoke to me far more than crop tops and high-wasted denim shorts and hip-hop-inspired styles had spoken to me.
The idea of pastels and pinks, cupcakes and candy cane could once again become incorporated into my identity as a person and did not strip away the authenticity of myself in the process. This made a world of a difference in my perspective of who I am and what type of person I wanted to express myself as a woman.
And then I stumbled across this picture:
And everything about this picture said *YES* and *AMEN* in
regards to the style of the femme. I love the tight fitting sophisticated clothes, the Marilyn Monroe-esque hairstyle and the bold confidence that is exuded in this photo.
It immediately took me down a rabbit-hole of searching to find myself, and I still haven’t quite captured the essence of what I’m looking for, but so far the idea of ‘High Femme’ has captured my attention and I feel like for the first time in a long time, I identify with that, and I want to emulate that style and that look.
So like a good little femmefemme I decided to learn more about this sexy vixen that is me and I googled “High Femme”, and of course, I came across this blog post: Supper Femmes by Effing Dykes and I was floored. I felt as if I was reading about myself! All the negative, all the positive…that’s me. That. Is. Me.
Having said that, let’s talk about food…
Yes, I have been a bad little femme. Yes. I will admit it. I ate cake today. I ate the cake. It is a very low point in this diet…but my Dad brought home a whole box of it today from the Sunday Bake Sale…. and I was just too weak. Too too weak. And it tasted so so good…
I tried not to feel too guilty and didn’t follow this incredible breakdown of judgement with anything aside from a cup of milk tea( yes I know…this was not an improvement) and another drink, only this time it was water.
Luckily for me my Dad had planned to buy Nandos for dinner. I convinced myself to be vigilant and wait for dinner, and when it arrived the meal did not fail to satisfy.
Unfortunately it was a tad bit too satisfying and I had another cup of milk tea, so I don’t believe I have made much progress today.
On the other hand the food tastes fantastic today, and I still have tomorrow to look forward to trying again~! So on this note, I give up for the day cause I have achieved nothing~! Nothing I tell you~! DX See you all tomorrow…